FROM THE STOOL

TOENAIL CLIPPING

Mafia Dons, drug lords, media moguls, personal trainers, actors, corporate titans, sports stars, cross-dressers, urbanites, affluent suburbanites, all have contributed to the popularity and social acceptance of the male manicure.

While it still puzzles me why such men prize varnished cuticles, it is worthwhile noting that few, if any, have stepped up to the pedicure, still largely the domain of the dowager.

In all respects, it would make much better sense for men to embrace the toe job as it is very difficult for most to effectively trim toenails without painful contortions and nail remnants littering the clipping field.

There are a large variety of effective tools for clipping fingernails neatly – either wet or dry – but no tool of which I am aware that does much better than shred the soft post-shower nail, and is largely useless on the dry.

Getting to and through the often impenetrable big toenail is the real challenge and the difficulty in holding the toe long enough to properly position the clipper, often results in a single flat cut or an unexpected and excruciatingly painful skin cut.

While I have no statistics to support my theory, I believe the skin cut constitutes the largest number of self-inflicted wounds among men in our society.

No man enjoys toenail clipping and generally put it off until they are eating holes in their socks or bloodying their running shoes. It is such an unpleasant procedure, a very short close cut is the best approach, as it maximizes time between clipping. It also dramatically increases the probability of a skin cut.

I have never had a pedicure or have seen pedicure performed, while my wife and many of her friends regularly indulge. The increase in popularity of sandals, both dress and casual for women and men, have put bare feet on display and provide your adjacent seatmate, be it bus, plane, restaurant, or rock concert, with an unedited view of your toes and their nails.

I frankly don’t give a whit what anyone thinks of my toenails, although they usually look like they were trimmed by a lawnmower. It occurs to me that even with the sorry state of available clippers, it would be a lot easier to cut someone else’s toenails then your own.

While most men would not embrace same sex clippers, the service could provide significant incremental revenue for your typical hard-bodied aerobic/yoga instructor – and a real bonanza for palm readers, lifeguards, receptionists and the like who have lots of time on their hands.

As toenails continue to grow for as long as you live, there is an unlimited need to be clipped and an unlimited market for clippers.

Perhaps there is a dot.com/venture capital opportunity in all of this, but I don’t have time available to check it out as my toenails are in need of clipping.