FROM THE STOOL

REARRANGEMENTS

As sure as suns, moons, and property taxes, all men rearrange themselves. It is the natural order of things. Like so many natural, friendly, non-threatening, therapeutic events, this like the equipment rearranged is in most societies never discussed or recognized.
I have observed there are four basic rearranging styles. The pocket rearranger, the inside the belt with no one looking rearranger, the undo the pants in private rearranger, and the blatant rearranger who in parts of the Bible Belt is treated as a felon.

How is it that a freshly gutted doe, strapped to the top of a car filled with enough firepower to wipe out a township, is what this great country stands for, and the natural rearrangement of our God given equipment is deviant behavior?

There are exceptions. Baseball leads the pack. Blatant rearranging, often televised in detail, is part of the essence of the game. Batters, catchers, umpires, coaches are perpetually rearranging. The game is one of swinging, stretching, diving, sliding, and twisting in a tight uniform. No way to avoid constant rearranging.

While broadly accepted in baseball, the tennis establishment would no doubt fine if not dismiss even a subtle rearranger.

Clergymen rearrange but under the cover of robes and vestments.

Swimmers and ballet dancers, like nudists, have no options as to rearrange would bring immediate censure in almost every case.

It is hard for some women, my wife included, to differentiate between the normal and healthy rearrangement, and the universally frowned upon scratch. While it is possible to incorporate both, they almost always satisfy two very separate and distinct needs.

In the broad scheme of things, neither should be taken very seriously. No harm, no foul.